Missing you too
Charcoal on bond paper
18 x 24 inches
Barbara Muir © 2012When I talk to therapists like my sister I hear that we marry
our mothers. If so I wonder why I married this man pictured
above? Maybe when we first met I fell because he was as beautiful as
my mother used to be when I was a little girl. And like her he
could bake a delicious cherry pie. He was scientifically curious like
her too --loved nature, and grew up on a farm which is why
he was right there and unafraid all through both of my children's
But what if women marry people who remind them of their
Dads? Well Steven could do that too -- talk in a serious,
voice -- work in business -- get people to work as a team.
Put the research together and you get a picture of people marrying
trying to recreate their original families -- on a subconscious
level of course . But what if the real reason is that as opposite as
my guy is to me -- I mean completely opposite to the point of
exasperation sometimes (country music (him) versus soul music (me))
is that we could create a family that was new -- ourselves.
And ultimately -- just like they say we begin to look like our dogs,
we don't look alike, but we actually are alike in so many ways. We enjoy
the same happy endings in movies, the same kinds of jokes, agree
politically. Maybe that's why we marry -- to start over, to find
someone we can care about whether they fit the paradigms or not.
When students ask me how they'll know when they really love
someone, I say that they will just know. And how do you know
if someone loves you? The same way -- a wordless, innate knowledge
built on kindness, observation, and tender affection.
But, as I pointed out to an artist friend today, words do help. I
couldn't live with someone who couldn't say he loved me.
That conversation today prompted this topic. Because I can
remember the radiant look on my friend's husband's face when
he first found her. And he still looks at her that way years later.
What I do know is that it sure is better for Steven and me
to be together than not. And that I miss him horribly when
he's away. That feeling is mutual. I guess that's why we got
married, and I'm glad we did.
Have a being married-or-unmarried-happily day.